Don't Like It?? Now's the time to break it!

Don't Like It?? Now's the time to break it!

We’ve all got them. Those ornaments that we don’t like. Perhaps it was an unwanted gift - “Oh thank you, it’s lovely” - or maybe it’s an heirloom from the other side of the family - “One day, our little one will inherit this” … not likely! Well, it’s that time of year when things can ‘unfortunately’ get broken during the annual spring clean.

Although it hasn’t yet gained Olympic status, spring cleaning can, in some households at least, reach a fervour that only international competition is able to rival. Imagine a stadium full of excited, Mexican wave engaged supporters willing the 100 meters (squared) competitors to “get the vacuum right into the corners”, or the window cleaners to gain greater heights with “extend the handle”. It could be enormous. If only!

But back to the main event. That of unavoidable breakages. There are various ways of going about this. Some more creative or imaginative than others.

Step One

Obviously, the first step is that of identification. This can be trickier than at first it might seem! You need to figure out what needs to go, and more importantly, how.

Step One.Crash!

If it’s simply an unsightly gift from a friend, it’s a fair bet that a good old smash on a hard floor will allow a swift, unceremonious dispatch into the bin. As long as sufficient contrition is seen to be made there should be no repercussions here. A cat is an ideal target of blame here - if you have one.

Step One.Phew!

If, on the other hand, the object of your current attention has some form of sentimental value, it might pay you to just chip it in some way. That way you could suggest that you saved it from certain doom on its way down to the hearth. Further concern could bring you to the conclusion that the security of the item may be assured if it were packed away safely in a cupboard. The same outcome may be achieved by using the same rationale, but without any damage being made. This latter path is fraught with danger though, as no harm has been done, so it could be assumed that none will be. A second bite at the same cherry is then almost entirely off limits.

Step Two

Step two should ideally be of possible replacement. Leaving a glaring gap is tantamount to admitting culpability. You could, of course simply move other ornaments across to make it appear that there isn’t a gap there, and this does have immediate merits. Ultimately though, the AWOL objet d'art will be noticed, and that’s when the defence needs to be up to the task. What happened? When? How?

No. Honesty, as is usually always the case, is the best course. I may have missed a couple of inverted commas out there somewhere, but you know what I mean? Own up immediately and offer an alternative. Possibly something wonderful you’ve seen previously. Maybe even already bought? That could make you look a little guilty though.

Of course, I’m not being serious. If you have a vase or pot or figurine that you simply can’t stand, admit it. Talk about it. If you’re lucky, you can agree to rotate it out of view for a few weeks while newer, more appealing wares are displayed, which may hopefully grow to take its place. It always pays to inject some new eye candy onto the shelves and mantlepiece every now and again. Even if it’s just to ease the burden of dusting!

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, don’t break that ornament that you don’t like … unless you really, really hate it ...


Broken Vase: 

Ugly Pot: 


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